Deens Academy Route to Excellence
All children throw tantrums; lingering over bedtime, negotiating playtime, disagreement over food or a fight over homework. It may be a tantrum in public or at home. How you respond as a parent will determine if the tantrum escalates, lasts and or reappears.
- Reasoning or trying to calm down with a child in the middle of a tantrum. Or trying to distract them with let’s go play with your train, let me help you, let’s get a drink of water, etc. Here it’s important to understand in a state of high-emotion your child is not in a position to rationally consider your suggestions. Any verbal communication will reinforce the behavior and confirm to the child that this is an effective strategy to get attention!
- Not being able to stick with the discipline. It can be very frustrating to be caught in a verbal shouting match with your child and we just can’t tolerate it any longer. While you know you should remain firm, sometimes parents just don’t have the stomach for it and eventually give in. Unfortunately, this proves to the child that with some persistence on their part, you’ll eventually cave if he/she continues the tantrum long enough.
- Punishing the child. When parents respond with a “punishment”, this is a sure way to continues and even escalate a temper tantrum. When we as parents lose our temper, physically try to stop the tantrum or spank the child, it proves to him that his tantrum is a great way to upset us, thus exerting his power over us. While he may not like the “punishment”, it does serve his goal for seeking power – even if it’s negative power.
4, Being Inconsistent. All children toddlers to teens do best when they know what to expect, whether it’s what time they bathe and go to bed or what consequences they’ll face for misbehaving. The more consistent and predictable things are, the more resilient and agreeable a child is likely to be.
- Overdoing Family Time. It’s fun to spend time with the family, but some parents go overboard on family time. Kids value and cherish time alone with one parent if this time is always shared with siblings /other at home children will stop valuing it. Playing with your child for even half an hour or reading a book together at bedtime or telling stories to your child are all easy ways of enjoying one on one time with your child.
- Stop with the self blame. Some parents worry that an out-of-control child makes them seem like ineffectual parents, parents need to remember that all children have tantrums at varying degrees. When they do, it’s pointless to try to talk them out of it — even if the drama is unfolding in front of company or in a public place. A child matters more than the opinions of other people — especially strangers.
If people glare or offer unwanted advice, simply smile and say something like, “Gosh, do you remember what it was like?” Then scoop up the wailing child and find a place away from prying eyes for the tantrum to run its course. Once it does, offer the child a hug and go on with your day.
Sama Adil
Counsellor at Deen’s Academy